shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
