my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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