Whod you bang
You can't special order awesome
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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