On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
