She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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