Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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