I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
