i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize