Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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