you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
