I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
