The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
