plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
