Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
