apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
