I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
