OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
