I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Randomize
