this beer tastes like vomit already
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
