I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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