he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
