No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
