guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
