Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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