Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Say something about gay babies.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
