I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize