i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
