when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
