i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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