...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
