Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
