new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
