I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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