listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So. Much. Porn.
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