I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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