when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
