I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
