please come you make the beer taste better
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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