Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
