I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
