i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
