end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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