i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
