your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize