He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
