drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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