I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
