There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
