We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize