Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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