Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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