Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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