I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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