You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize