im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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