I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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