Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
