I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
