I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
