she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
