the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
